So I am doing this thing for Sasha. Why? Cause I am awesome. Here is a list of things I need to download and tear apart. It will grow and shrink more or less as I need it to.
Exorcist
XXXexorcist
Dead Alive (Just one amazing scene)
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Dracula 2000 (I need just one scene)
Haxan (I need to rip from dvd)
Behind the Convent Wall
Images in a Convent
Malabimba
Killer Nun
School of the Holy beast
Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun
The Nun
Alucarda
Hard to find stuff
Sacrilege
The Nun of Monza
Nuns of St. Archangel
Story of a Cloistered Nun
The Convent of Sinners
Flavia the Heretic
Satanico Pandemonium
The Devils
Un Chien de Andilou
A lot of these may be really hard to find either on torrents or elsewhere. I really should join an obscure movie site. Anyway I want to get at least two hours of clips. I should be able to do this with most of these movies and all the porn I have. YAY!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Job's Done
If you've played either Warcraft 2 or 3 then you know exactly how that sound in my head. I kinda want to play that game now. I always liked building large armies and just sort of throwing them places. There never really was very much stradigy involved in thous games for me. Just action.
But yeah so I finnished my novel. How about that. Earlyer in the month I was complaining about how this is a terrible month to be doing stuff like this, I mean major family holiday, major shopping day, school midterms, it is just in the middle of everything. Then again though? I think that's all part of it. To me the point of the whole thing is to literally set aside the time and to write. At the end of the day who really gives a fuck if it is easy. It being easy isn't the point. Of course on top of all of that I have had the worst bouts of insomnia that I have had in a very very long time. There were days where I was so tired I could bearly function and I would litterally write, pass out, wake up 45 minuts later and then keep going. This used to happen to me a lot in high school and I must say its return is rather unwelcome. The power nap thing would be accompanied by unable to sleep later, and increadbly lethargic mornings. Still I managed it. I managed it with us being short at work for two fucking weeks and and all the sudden my cut hours turned into very long grueling hours, I also did it despite taking three days off for nerd invasion.
Still with an imuntable schedual of 2000 words a day minimum I manged to finnish the thing by November 28th. I would of been done on the 27th but I wanted to stop and reflect upon the ending to try and make it something very special to me. I did too! With the actual ending that is. The epilouge needs to be rewritten. I might get to it someday. That's the thing though. I have a novel now!
Well kinda. It needs editing. LOTS of editing. There were days where I was bearly consiouse while writting, there were days where I didn't know what was going to happen next so I just had things happen, and there are at least two things that were supposed to happen that didn't. Since it is largely about suicide loose ends are THEMEATIC! not just loose ends, but still both of the missing scenes are really important and should be there because I think they will make the ending make more sense.
One is where Link and the cowboy hang out for a little bit and bond, and the other is where Link goes and comforts bitchface.
About the names, yeah that whole thing totally started as a joke, but then more and more it made sense to me. Everyone from his past gets a name, and no one from the prescent does. It is something I could write a paper on. Which is one of the nicest things I've ever said to myself.
I'm not sure what else to say about it all. It was hard. One of the harder things I've ever done. I don't feel proud of myself very often but this is definatly one of the time where I do. I'm a little sad that I have no one directly to share my triumph with. That is a little bit of a bummer. I was so excited when I finnished it and then I realized that it is three in the morning and no one was around. That kinda crapped on my parade a little bit.
To be fair though I did set out on this thing on my own. By the time Lior tried to give my helpful advice I was to far ahead of what has been posted for him to be of any help. Most of my friends didn't even ask what it was about until it was over halfway finnished. And Sasha's life has been partially upheaved so she's been very busy with that. The silver lining to all of this though is that I did all of this with little support and almost no encouragement what so ever. That's good! I don't take either well but it is one of those things I feared I need other people for. I do need other people for the editing process, but that isn't a bridge I intend on crossing any time soon. As of right now I am taking a couple of weeks off. I'll do a little fun reading, some blogging, play some video games. Then I'll start on the next thing, flush with the knowlage that I can do things like this if I just put my mind to it.
Isn't that something. I kinda want to print the whole thing out and stick it to my wall.
But yeah so I finnished my novel. How about that. Earlyer in the month I was complaining about how this is a terrible month to be doing stuff like this, I mean major family holiday, major shopping day, school midterms, it is just in the middle of everything. Then again though? I think that's all part of it. To me the point of the whole thing is to literally set aside the time and to write. At the end of the day who really gives a fuck if it is easy. It being easy isn't the point. Of course on top of all of that I have had the worst bouts of insomnia that I have had in a very very long time. There were days where I was so tired I could bearly function and I would litterally write, pass out, wake up 45 minuts later and then keep going. This used to happen to me a lot in high school and I must say its return is rather unwelcome. The power nap thing would be accompanied by unable to sleep later, and increadbly lethargic mornings. Still I managed it. I managed it with us being short at work for two fucking weeks and and all the sudden my cut hours turned into very long grueling hours, I also did it despite taking three days off for nerd invasion.
Still with an imuntable schedual of 2000 words a day minimum I manged to finnish the thing by November 28th. I would of been done on the 27th but I wanted to stop and reflect upon the ending to try and make it something very special to me. I did too! With the actual ending that is. The epilouge needs to be rewritten. I might get to it someday. That's the thing though. I have a novel now!
Well kinda. It needs editing. LOTS of editing. There were days where I was bearly consiouse while writting, there were days where I didn't know what was going to happen next so I just had things happen, and there are at least two things that were supposed to happen that didn't. Since it is largely about suicide loose ends are THEMEATIC! not just loose ends, but still both of the missing scenes are really important and should be there because I think they will make the ending make more sense.
One is where Link and the cowboy hang out for a little bit and bond, and the other is where Link goes and comforts bitchface.
About the names, yeah that whole thing totally started as a joke, but then more and more it made sense to me. Everyone from his past gets a name, and no one from the prescent does. It is something I could write a paper on. Which is one of the nicest things I've ever said to myself.
I'm not sure what else to say about it all. It was hard. One of the harder things I've ever done. I don't feel proud of myself very often but this is definatly one of the time where I do. I'm a little sad that I have no one directly to share my triumph with. That is a little bit of a bummer. I was so excited when I finnished it and then I realized that it is three in the morning and no one was around. That kinda crapped on my parade a little bit.
To be fair though I did set out on this thing on my own. By the time Lior tried to give my helpful advice I was to far ahead of what has been posted for him to be of any help. Most of my friends didn't even ask what it was about until it was over halfway finnished. And Sasha's life has been partially upheaved so she's been very busy with that. The silver lining to all of this though is that I did all of this with little support and almost no encouragement what so ever. That's good! I don't take either well but it is one of those things I feared I need other people for. I do need other people for the editing process, but that isn't a bridge I intend on crossing any time soon. As of right now I am taking a couple of weeks off. I'll do a little fun reading, some blogging, play some video games. Then I'll start on the next thing, flush with the knowlage that I can do things like this if I just put my mind to it.
Isn't that something. I kinda want to print the whole thing out and stick it to my wall.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I like lists
Lists!
I remeber in sport's night Dan I think said, "What is it with women and lists, a woman is never so happy when they are making a list" I like making lists sometimes. It helps me focus on the things I want to be doing. Right now I am drawing my novel to a close. I'm excited, and as I know I've said twice now there will be an extended...you know what list starts now.
Things I feel like doing:
Blog topics:
1) Part two of the worker thing I don't even remeber what part two was going to be about. That's okay though I'll figgure it out when I read the post. OH yeah its from the actual workers perspective and working up, instead of the all our bosses are dicks and lack of noblese obliage.
2) The fed thing. In fact as soon as I do my novel blog, I am doing that one. Actually, I might do it first. The fed thing really bothers me. Fed suicide thing specifically
3) In the current issue of time there is an article about over parenting. Granted its written by Nacy Gibbs and she is retarded. But I am sure there is going to be a topic in there somewhere.
Video Games:
1) I wanna play more Dungeon Fighters. That game is awesome
2) I need to figgure out what I am going to be doing about city of heros. Right now, I don't play it enough to justify the cost and I am not sure I am going to be any time soon. Once going Rouge comes out I am still not sure if I am going to be. So if I am still not playing regularly by the end of the month then buh bye.
3) I want to play through Balder's Gate. I spontaneously downloaded it last night and I think I want to do it. I might end up playing planscape torment though. It came on the same torrent and it will run easily on the baby laptop.
Games:
Arcane Legions!: Yeah mother fucker demoing that game has been an epic success!. So I need to get an egyptian army together and prepare myself for laying the epic smack down on people that they so rightfully deserve.
VTES: I have 2 decks where I want them, and once people learn to play I have 4 decks that will be just fine. I have one deck that will be amazing someday just because the concept is so damn cool. Assemites black hand beatdown deck. In Febuary a new big expansion comes out so I'll be getting the starters from that. That should make up for the dude torredor starter. After that I think we'll be good to go and I'll try it again.
Big Projects:
Post Modern Pornography Project: I think I am going to wait until January before I start working on it proper. Start it in January maybe wrap it up in time for valentines day. That would be pretty cool. Last year I wrote Sasha some zombie porn, and the time before that I made her 24 or so cards, so doing something geeky in the opposite direction might be nice. I don't want it to be just for her though, this is for everyone. I dunno I'll figgure it out. I need to do some seriouse reading before I'll be ready. Two chapters from Lacan (shudder), a good chunck of 1000 Plateaus, Precession of the Simulacrum, and maybe some other stuff. I figgure I'll start boning up on my reading now, so I can get lots of theoretical ideas in my head before I watch the porn proper. There will be a HILARIOUSE where I watch thread when that happens I a garentee.
RPGS: Since Sasha/Mike visitation is terminated for the near visable future (fuck I am so MAD about that you don't understand) I guess I should start getting back into the whole roleplaying thing. I'm going to start gathering up some sla industries one shots. I have one half written from October here on baby laptop. So I'll get like 5 or so whipped up and run them whenever. If it turns into a weekly thing so be it.
I kinda want to do the evil D&D thing a few more times. I am excited by it generally and it is something I've wanted to do for awhile now. I think it could be AMAZINGLY fun, but I would really have to delve into the rules and get solid on a lot of stuff. There is a huge difference between running it and playing it. I dunno.
Also paranoia is always one of those things that everyone wants to play now.
Alright back to the grind house for me!
I remeber in sport's night Dan I think said, "What is it with women and lists, a woman is never so happy when they are making a list" I like making lists sometimes. It helps me focus on the things I want to be doing. Right now I am drawing my novel to a close. I'm excited, and as I know I've said twice now there will be an extended...you know what list starts now.
Things I feel like doing:
Blog topics:
1) Part two of the worker thing I don't even remeber what part two was going to be about. That's okay though I'll figgure it out when I read the post. OH yeah its from the actual workers perspective and working up, instead of the all our bosses are dicks and lack of noblese obliage.
2) The fed thing. In fact as soon as I do my novel blog, I am doing that one. Actually, I might do it first. The fed thing really bothers me. Fed suicide thing specifically
3) In the current issue of time there is an article about over parenting. Granted its written by Nacy Gibbs and she is retarded. But I am sure there is going to be a topic in there somewhere.
Video Games:
1) I wanna play more Dungeon Fighters. That game is awesome
2) I need to figgure out what I am going to be doing about city of heros. Right now, I don't play it enough to justify the cost and I am not sure I am going to be any time soon. Once going Rouge comes out I am still not sure if I am going to be. So if I am still not playing regularly by the end of the month then buh bye.
3) I want to play through Balder's Gate. I spontaneously downloaded it last night and I think I want to do it. I might end up playing planscape torment though. It came on the same torrent and it will run easily on the baby laptop.
Games:
Arcane Legions!: Yeah mother fucker demoing that game has been an epic success!. So I need to get an egyptian army together and prepare myself for laying the epic smack down on people that they so rightfully deserve.
VTES: I have 2 decks where I want them, and once people learn to play I have 4 decks that will be just fine. I have one deck that will be amazing someday just because the concept is so damn cool. Assemites black hand beatdown deck. In Febuary a new big expansion comes out so I'll be getting the starters from that. That should make up for the dude torredor starter. After that I think we'll be good to go and I'll try it again.
Big Projects:
Post Modern Pornography Project: I think I am going to wait until January before I start working on it proper. Start it in January maybe wrap it up in time for valentines day. That would be pretty cool. Last year I wrote Sasha some zombie porn, and the time before that I made her 24 or so cards, so doing something geeky in the opposite direction might be nice. I don't want it to be just for her though, this is for everyone. I dunno I'll figgure it out. I need to do some seriouse reading before I'll be ready. Two chapters from Lacan (shudder), a good chunck of 1000 Plateaus, Precession of the Simulacrum, and maybe some other stuff. I figgure I'll start boning up on my reading now, so I can get lots of theoretical ideas in my head before I watch the porn proper. There will be a HILARIOUSE where I watch thread when that happens I a garentee.
RPGS: Since Sasha/Mike visitation is terminated for the near visable future (fuck I am so MAD about that you don't understand) I guess I should start getting back into the whole roleplaying thing. I'm going to start gathering up some sla industries one shots. I have one half written from October here on baby laptop. So I'll get like 5 or so whipped up and run them whenever. If it turns into a weekly thing so be it.
I kinda want to do the evil D&D thing a few more times. I am excited by it generally and it is something I've wanted to do for awhile now. I think it could be AMAZINGLY fun, but I would really have to delve into the rules and get solid on a lot of stuff. There is a huge difference between running it and playing it. I dunno.
Also paranoia is always one of those things that everyone wants to play now.
Alright back to the grind house for me!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Not Phantasy Star Zero
Yeah right now I really really want to be playing that game cause it is frigging awesome. However, I'm starting to suspect that it is becoming a bit of a problem so off to blogger land instead! I'm on the home stretch for my novel, if all goes right I'll hit 50k by friday! Then I'll be back to my normal blogging schedual including a nice big indepth blog on the whole ups and downs of the novel writting process.
What I am instead going to talk about is why do Americans work the way they do. It's interesting really. If you don't know, go look up the amount of vacation time you'd get in England or France. The rest of europe follows suit. On top of that they are expected to stay home when sick, they get holidays off, and all sorts of other crazy things.
I don't want to focus to much on that though. Even if Europe doesn't excist the average worker is pretty crazy here in the USA. White Collar wise they work 40 hours minimum. They are oftentimes expected to take their work home if it isn't done by the end of the day, come in on weekends, and all with no additional financial benefit. That's the fucked up thing about salaried empolyment, you get fuck all in terms of over time compensation and you end up working a lot of it. It is kind of insane. The worst insident of this I've ever seen with my own eyes happened back when I was working help desk a place called Supra Telecom. They were doing major upgrades to the network. So they had a team of contractors come in over night to do the job. My boss, the network administrator, gets to work at about 7am or so. He works the whole day, stays over night to help out with the crew doing the upgrades, and then he works until 12 the next day when he finnally decides that he is going mother fucking home. To give you a little history 5 years ago this guy was fresh off the boat from Greece of all places and working in a warehouse. He's a man who took the time to educate himself so that he could make a better life for him and his family. He deserves better.
Leaving white collar and IT behind minimum wage jobs, and blue collare employers are actually even worse about abusing their employees. I'm talking unpaid over time, unsafe working conditions, or skirting the bare edges of the employment laws to squeeze the most out of each and every person until there is nothing left. This all isn't from person experience either. Nor is this an unfocused rant. I... okay well I lost the link that has all the numbers. Wait no I found one! I am doing this at lunch so my time is somewhat limited. It has european numbers too! Woop!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samuel-h-williamson/why-do-americans-work-so_b_362111.html
Anyway. They ask why do we work so hard. It's an article with an open question that I will attempt to answer now that the whole framing part of the blog is done. The answer is two fold, American employers are dicks, and there is absolutely nothing from stopping them from being dicks. Historically speaking America has always had a large influx of immigrant population to make things happen. In the north around the civil war time we had the irish. Lots of irish who were fleeing a potato famine. There was no hope back home, work here, and as the maxim goes there are more where you came from so you will put up with whatever horrors we inflict upon you otherwise we will just do it to someone else. In the south we had slavery which is basicly the same thing as the irish except we paid their life time salary up front to someone else. I'm half joking put the damn rocks down. We made the chinese build our rail roads, cause you know they came over here and, well they might as well. The list doesn't go on much further though, unless you want to count the Mexicans doing every shit job ever, which you should.
With the miners we saw the first organized reisitance which coincides with some of the most apalling working conditions ever seen and easy access to dynamite. I don't think people really understand that in order to get mine owners to not be such massive collective mother fucking ass holes they literally had to engage in terrorist actions to make them stop. They blew up bridges, mine shafts, rail lines, all sorts of things. Of course back then they were called Anarchists, but in order to wrest back some basic human rights that should be a part of our consititution, lots of people had to die.
We also had to go to war with ourselves to make ourselves stop using slavery. I really do hate the whole states rights part of the civil war thing. Blah blah blah federal government this and that. NO motherfucker you can not use black people as disposable labor and going neener neerer not part of your country anymore isn't going to save you. Put your rebel flag down.
Rants aside. Blue collars, thanks to the anarchists have unions to hell and back as a result most of the blue collar work went overseas. Its funny, why wait for immigration to happen when we can just go to them? Its cheaper and their countries have less laws. Or we started abusing our white collar workers.
I think I am going to make this a two parter.
Anyway! So yeah employers are dicks. Why is it better in europe? Well they had royalty. They had empires, and they understand that it is important to treat your population with care and respect, not only that but to make sure that other people treat them with care and respect. That is kind of how that works. I mean saying a blanket statment about europe is retarded because there is so much to it and so many diffrent overriding factors. But this is one that paticularly stands out. One thing that makes them very diffrent than us. I do think it is one paticularly critical diffrence between them and us. There is also the historical idea that many of our ancestors came over here to get away from monarchy.
I'm not saying europe is perfect. They had all the same human rights violations we did. THey had them worse in some cases. But they also didn't go to war over stopping with the slavery, and they don't ride their empolyees like we do here now. So something is certainly diffrent.
What I am instead going to talk about is why do Americans work the way they do. It's interesting really. If you don't know, go look up the amount of vacation time you'd get in England or France. The rest of europe follows suit. On top of that they are expected to stay home when sick, they get holidays off, and all sorts of other crazy things.
I don't want to focus to much on that though. Even if Europe doesn't excist the average worker is pretty crazy here in the USA. White Collar wise they work 40 hours minimum. They are oftentimes expected to take their work home if it isn't done by the end of the day, come in on weekends, and all with no additional financial benefit. That's the fucked up thing about salaried empolyment, you get fuck all in terms of over time compensation and you end up working a lot of it. It is kind of insane. The worst insident of this I've ever seen with my own eyes happened back when I was working help desk a place called Supra Telecom. They were doing major upgrades to the network. So they had a team of contractors come in over night to do the job. My boss, the network administrator, gets to work at about 7am or so. He works the whole day, stays over night to help out with the crew doing the upgrades, and then he works until 12 the next day when he finnally decides that he is going mother fucking home. To give you a little history 5 years ago this guy was fresh off the boat from Greece of all places and working in a warehouse. He's a man who took the time to educate himself so that he could make a better life for him and his family. He deserves better.
Leaving white collar and IT behind minimum wage jobs, and blue collare employers are actually even worse about abusing their employees. I'm talking unpaid over time, unsafe working conditions, or skirting the bare edges of the employment laws to squeeze the most out of each and every person until there is nothing left. This all isn't from person experience either. Nor is this an unfocused rant. I... okay well I lost the link that has all the numbers. Wait no I found one! I am doing this at lunch so my time is somewhat limited. It has european numbers too! Woop!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samuel-h-williamson/why-do-americans-work-so_b_362111.html
Anyway. They ask why do we work so hard. It's an article with an open question that I will attempt to answer now that the whole framing part of the blog is done. The answer is two fold, American employers are dicks, and there is absolutely nothing from stopping them from being dicks. Historically speaking America has always had a large influx of immigrant population to make things happen. In the north around the civil war time we had the irish. Lots of irish who were fleeing a potato famine. There was no hope back home, work here, and as the maxim goes there are more where you came from so you will put up with whatever horrors we inflict upon you otherwise we will just do it to someone else. In the south we had slavery which is basicly the same thing as the irish except we paid their life time salary up front to someone else. I'm half joking put the damn rocks down. We made the chinese build our rail roads, cause you know they came over here and, well they might as well. The list doesn't go on much further though, unless you want to count the Mexicans doing every shit job ever, which you should.
With the miners we saw the first organized reisitance which coincides with some of the most apalling working conditions ever seen and easy access to dynamite. I don't think people really understand that in order to get mine owners to not be such massive collective mother fucking ass holes they literally had to engage in terrorist actions to make them stop. They blew up bridges, mine shafts, rail lines, all sorts of things. Of course back then they were called Anarchists, but in order to wrest back some basic human rights that should be a part of our consititution, lots of people had to die.
We also had to go to war with ourselves to make ourselves stop using slavery. I really do hate the whole states rights part of the civil war thing. Blah blah blah federal government this and that. NO motherfucker you can not use black people as disposable labor and going neener neerer not part of your country anymore isn't going to save you. Put your rebel flag down.
Rants aside. Blue collars, thanks to the anarchists have unions to hell and back as a result most of the blue collar work went overseas. Its funny, why wait for immigration to happen when we can just go to them? Its cheaper and their countries have less laws. Or we started abusing our white collar workers.
I think I am going to make this a two parter.
Anyway! So yeah employers are dicks. Why is it better in europe? Well they had royalty. They had empires, and they understand that it is important to treat your population with care and respect, not only that but to make sure that other people treat them with care and respect. That is kind of how that works. I mean saying a blanket statment about europe is retarded because there is so much to it and so many diffrent overriding factors. But this is one that paticularly stands out. One thing that makes them very diffrent than us. I do think it is one paticularly critical diffrence between them and us. There is also the historical idea that many of our ancestors came over here to get away from monarchy.
I'm not saying europe is perfect. They had all the same human rights violations we did. THey had them worse in some cases. But they also didn't go to war over stopping with the slavery, and they don't ride their empolyees like we do here now. So something is certainly diffrent.
Friday, November 20, 2009
So much for that
So I decided I want ed to use more reffrences and citations here. Look at the last post! I did such a great job! So I was going to make a reffrence to a post I thought I wrote. And... I didn't.
I didn't even write it and forget to publish it, NO that shit just isn't real. I know I've touched on this topic before else where so I could go find it, but it really is an inordinate amount of effort. It isn't like this is going to be literary theory or the start of an inflamitory political discourse. Or even about high class geekery. Instead it is going to be about me. Yep little old me. I've been doing that alot lately but I've also been Nanoing and that takes a tremendouse amount of time. It really does. Oh well.
Anyway occationally I'll just be sitting around and something will come over me and I'll realize that things are going to change soon. Oppertunities will happen, doors will open, some will shut, but change will occure. Basicly, something will happen and all the sudden my staus quo will be in danger. Now I like to believe that my status quo and I have a healthy relationship. I accept some changes into my life with open, loving arms, and I am generally okay with it. Other times I am fending off said change with a bat and a fist full of furious anger. Also sometimes I accept it with a sort of dull placid inevitablilty.
Sometimes when I get these feelings I feel kind of paranoid and strange. Sitting there with my milk and cookies surrounded by candles all the sudden I look up from a book and go, "change is coming". Utter madness. Then when it does you end up saying to yourself, "Holy shit that just happened". That's the thing though I'll know it is coming but I'll never know what form it will take or how long it will last. This month it seems like my past is coming back to roost. People, some who I haven't spoken to in months, others years, still others 5 years or more are suddently showing up. Other times it is me going out and finding these people who I haven't spoken to and digging them up. Either way everyone who has started talking to me again is a welcome addition to my circle of socialization. Which is rare! Normally there is someone who I just have to throw out or something.
Anyway. I once wrote to Sasha about the ghosts from my past coming to haunt me. This was a time, like now, where people were showing up. However, some of these weren't welcome. She replied that ghosts are alright it is the poltergeists that you need to worry about. To this day I don't understand that. It's okay though because as of right now that's not happening to me and I am glad.
Oh well! I'm heading off, night you crazy kids.
I didn't even write it and forget to publish it, NO that shit just isn't real. I know I've touched on this topic before else where so I could go find it, but it really is an inordinate amount of effort. It isn't like this is going to be literary theory or the start of an inflamitory political discourse. Or even about high class geekery. Instead it is going to be about me. Yep little old me. I've been doing that alot lately but I've also been Nanoing and that takes a tremendouse amount of time. It really does. Oh well.
Anyway occationally I'll just be sitting around and something will come over me and I'll realize that things are going to change soon. Oppertunities will happen, doors will open, some will shut, but change will occure. Basicly, something will happen and all the sudden my staus quo will be in danger. Now I like to believe that my status quo and I have a healthy relationship. I accept some changes into my life with open, loving arms, and I am generally okay with it. Other times I am fending off said change with a bat and a fist full of furious anger. Also sometimes I accept it with a sort of dull placid inevitablilty.
Sometimes when I get these feelings I feel kind of paranoid and strange. Sitting there with my milk and cookies surrounded by candles all the sudden I look up from a book and go, "change is coming". Utter madness. Then when it does you end up saying to yourself, "Holy shit that just happened". That's the thing though I'll know it is coming but I'll never know what form it will take or how long it will last. This month it seems like my past is coming back to roost. People, some who I haven't spoken to in months, others years, still others 5 years or more are suddently showing up. Other times it is me going out and finding these people who I haven't spoken to and digging them up. Either way everyone who has started talking to me again is a welcome addition to my circle of socialization. Which is rare! Normally there is someone who I just have to throw out or something.
Anyway. I once wrote to Sasha about the ghosts from my past coming to haunt me. This was a time, like now, where people were showing up. However, some of these weren't welcome. She replied that ghosts are alright it is the poltergeists that you need to worry about. To this day I don't understand that. It's okay though because as of right now that's not happening to me and I am glad.
Oh well! I'm heading off, night you crazy kids.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Not My Novel, Also Not What I am Supposed to be Writting
Well so recently I've discovered that there is something wrong inside of me. Mentally/spititually not physically. After trying out the most obviouse and easy answer I realized that it is something bigger than that. Well fuck. I should be trying to figgure out what it is. But I only have 45 minuts before I need to go to work so I'll do it when I have a little more time. I'm not depressed, and I am generally in a really good mood. But it is something that is kinda causing me to go to ground, hence the lack of updates here. Yeah you would think it would be the fucking novel that slows me down. Nope!
So the other day out of curiosity I began going over it trying to figgure out what I would need to do to make it a real book. After poking around I realize that the answer is a-fucking-lot. First of all I tend to write a scene a day. So as a result each scene in the book averages 2000 words and is three pages long. This leads to a highly unatural reading experience. This is a reult of both not wanting to stop writting in the middle of a scene and the need to have a minimum word count to meet. Bleh. So I would need to go around smoothing things out BIG time. In addition, because I am writting so fast, there are certain scenes that need more time spent with them, and quite frankly they just didn't get enough atension. For example, assuming the book ends at 50k words then I have literally spent half the book building up the introduction of this charecter. I know that whatever the hell it is I wrote isn't good enough. The idea behind her introduction is to make her seem like a let down and to make you question the main charecter's sanity even more than you have been. But I think I got a little bit to carried away with the let down part. I am about to unleash her in her full glory...tonight actually so I am pretty excited.
Also I tend to repete myself a lot. I don't mean to. What I mean to do is to advance the theme I am trying to in an interesting or clever way. Instead I end up repeating myself. This is ever so slightly embarassing. However, it is also stuff like this that causes me to not finish anything. I get so wrapped up in things I tend to forget to work on them. So far I am really happy that I am participating in NaNo. I am learning a lot of stuff about myself, and it is almost thrilling to watch myself set a goal, and now I am meeting it. All by myself with no real outside encouragement. Hell I haven't even updated my Nano profile and I don't know a single other person who is actually doing it.
Fuck most people haven't even askes what the book is about.
Not the point though. The point is that I am doing it and I am happy!
Soon I am going to get started on the post modern pornography project, or the ppp for short. I think I am going to end up just ordering a copy of ecrits in the mail because it is just something I know I am going to end up needing time and time again. I don't want to use Lacan, every time I use Lacan I develop a rash in my nether regions and a profound sense of guilt every time I use a metaphore. OH FUCK a lacnian reading of furries? That would be BAD ASS! Post modern fetish project coming your way this summer. Or something like that.
I'd be using this. Man that would be cool.
Anyway, the ppp is going to only be half finnished for awhile. Mostly because Sasha's current situation doesn't allow for long periods of sustained writting, and I am not there to "encourage" her to get to work. Still I am going to do my part. I've decided that for my primary texts I am going to use some Jenna Jameson pornos. I'm doing this for three reasons, 1) She is as close to mainstream as a porn star can get, 2) She is in depressingly vanilla pornos, 3) I think she is really funny looking. Most scholarly work I've read that looks at pornography fails to anchor any of its arguments in acutual specific porno movies. This makes sense of course because the vast majority of pornography is interchangable. Still you need a way to achor arguments. By using Jenna, the everywoman of pornography to talk about pornography I hope to sort of level the coversation out and to get some actual real work done with how pornography functions in regards to its viewer.
I also maintain the right to abandon this line of inquery and go hunt down really cool fetish porn. But whatever.
Hey I own an Ink pad I remeber what that was for. I should reactivate that project.
After that I'll be turning my atensions elsewhere. I'm not forgetting about that. Shroddinger's Rapist indeed. Grow. Up.
Meh. Oh hey so tomarrow I am demoing Arcane Legions to a vast majority of my friends. I wish I had some gaming terrian I could use. I could go and buy some but that is really fucking expensive. I think what I am going to end up doing is using deck boxes, and card boxes to represent ruined buildings until I can actually get some built. I also need a tape measure, can't forget that.
I've been wanting to play a mass combat minature game since...fuck I dunno since middle school which is where I first heard of warhammer. The thing about warhammer and its future counter part is that they are both increadbly average games that just aren't very fun. This game seems really neat though, it looks really easy to pick up. The price is right, I've just about assemebled two entire armies for the same price as this:
Granted yeah that thing is cool enough for me to want a tatoo of it. But it is just one part of a much much larger army. So I could get two entire armies for another game, or that. Hrm. So hopefully other people will get into it. There is tons of variety with troop selection and the types of armies you can field which is really important to me. So despite the fact that there are only three factions you can have three people playing the same faction but end up with three very diffrent armies.
Also they don't really do blind buying which is AWESOME.
Aright enough on Arcane Legions I really want to do a blog post on it all by itself after I've played a couple of games with people. I want to do a comparison which shows how this game does a lot of things right in comparison to other companies who end up doing things increadbly wrong.
I'm pretty excited. I also need to go to work. Well fine. Tonight is an exciting part of the story! I am thinking I'm going to end up devoting two nights to it cause it is really important. I'm not so sure. Just about the whole cast is getting brought out and that's going to be neat. Kay late late.
Post werk update! This thing that's bothering me, I don't feel like explaining what it is right now. It totally excists though. I am starting to think that it might be some fancy new coping method for dealing with the holidays. I hate the holiday season, I really fucking do. I always have hated it and I pretty much always will. So this might be a way of dealing with it that isn't depression. If it is that would be AWESOME! We'll see how it goes when the holidays actually get here, and if the problem still percists after they are gone.
The less time I spend uncontrollabley depressed the fucking better. I can't stand that shit and it is such a stupid waste of my valuable time.
Okay that is all I wanted to say really. Carry on.
So the other day out of curiosity I began going over it trying to figgure out what I would need to do to make it a real book. After poking around I realize that the answer is a-fucking-lot. First of all I tend to write a scene a day. So as a result each scene in the book averages 2000 words and is three pages long. This leads to a highly unatural reading experience. This is a reult of both not wanting to stop writting in the middle of a scene and the need to have a minimum word count to meet. Bleh. So I would need to go around smoothing things out BIG time. In addition, because I am writting so fast, there are certain scenes that need more time spent with them, and quite frankly they just didn't get enough atension. For example, assuming the book ends at 50k words then I have literally spent half the book building up the introduction of this charecter. I know that whatever the hell it is I wrote isn't good enough. The idea behind her introduction is to make her seem like a let down and to make you question the main charecter's sanity even more than you have been. But I think I got a little bit to carried away with the let down part. I am about to unleash her in her full glory...tonight actually so I am pretty excited.
Also I tend to repete myself a lot. I don't mean to. What I mean to do is to advance the theme I am trying to in an interesting or clever way. Instead I end up repeating myself. This is ever so slightly embarassing. However, it is also stuff like this that causes me to not finish anything. I get so wrapped up in things I tend to forget to work on them. So far I am really happy that I am participating in NaNo. I am learning a lot of stuff about myself, and it is almost thrilling to watch myself set a goal, and now I am meeting it. All by myself with no real outside encouragement. Hell I haven't even updated my Nano profile and I don't know a single other person who is actually doing it.
Fuck most people haven't even askes what the book is about.
Not the point though. The point is that I am doing it and I am happy!
Soon I am going to get started on the post modern pornography project, or the ppp for short. I think I am going to end up just ordering a copy of ecrits in the mail because it is just something I know I am going to end up needing time and time again. I don't want to use Lacan, every time I use Lacan I develop a rash in my nether regions and a profound sense of guilt every time I use a metaphore. OH FUCK a lacnian reading of furries? That would be BAD ASS! Post modern fetish project coming your way this summer. Or something like that.
I'd be using this. Man that would be cool.
Anyway, the ppp is going to only be half finnished for awhile. Mostly because Sasha's current situation doesn't allow for long periods of sustained writting, and I am not there to "encourage" her to get to work. Still I am going to do my part. I've decided that for my primary texts I am going to use some Jenna Jameson pornos. I'm doing this for three reasons, 1) She is as close to mainstream as a porn star can get, 2) She is in depressingly vanilla pornos, 3) I think she is really funny looking. Most scholarly work I've read that looks at pornography fails to anchor any of its arguments in acutual specific porno movies. This makes sense of course because the vast majority of pornography is interchangable. Still you need a way to achor arguments. By using Jenna, the everywoman of pornography to talk about pornography I hope to sort of level the coversation out and to get some actual real work done with how pornography functions in regards to its viewer.
I also maintain the right to abandon this line of inquery and go hunt down really cool fetish porn. But whatever.
Hey I own an Ink pad I remeber what that was for. I should reactivate that project.
After that I'll be turning my atensions elsewhere. I'm not forgetting about that. Shroddinger's Rapist indeed. Grow. Up.
Meh. Oh hey so tomarrow I am demoing Arcane Legions to a vast majority of my friends. I wish I had some gaming terrian I could use. I could go and buy some but that is really fucking expensive. I think what I am going to end up doing is using deck boxes, and card boxes to represent ruined buildings until I can actually get some built. I also need a tape measure, can't forget that.
I've been wanting to play a mass combat minature game since...fuck I dunno since middle school which is where I first heard of warhammer. The thing about warhammer and its future counter part is that they are both increadbly average games that just aren't very fun. This game seems really neat though, it looks really easy to pick up. The price is right, I've just about assemebled two entire armies for the same price as this:
Granted yeah that thing is cool enough for me to want a tatoo of it. But it is just one part of a much much larger army. So I could get two entire armies for another game, or that. Hrm. So hopefully other people will get into it. There is tons of variety with troop selection and the types of armies you can field which is really important to me. So despite the fact that there are only three factions you can have three people playing the same faction but end up with three very diffrent armies.
Also they don't really do blind buying which is AWESOME.
Aright enough on Arcane Legions I really want to do a blog post on it all by itself after I've played a couple of games with people. I want to do a comparison which shows how this game does a lot of things right in comparison to other companies who end up doing things increadbly wrong.
I'm pretty excited. I also need to go to work. Well fine. Tonight is an exciting part of the story! I am thinking I'm going to end up devoting two nights to it cause it is really important. I'm not so sure. Just about the whole cast is getting brought out and that's going to be neat. Kay late late.
Post werk update! This thing that's bothering me, I don't feel like explaining what it is right now. It totally excists though. I am starting to think that it might be some fancy new coping method for dealing with the holidays. I hate the holiday season, I really fucking do. I always have hated it and I pretty much always will. So this might be a way of dealing with it that isn't depression. If it is that would be AWESOME! We'll see how it goes when the holidays actually get here, and if the problem still percists after they are gone.
The less time I spend uncontrollabley depressed the fucking better. I can't stand that shit and it is such a stupid waste of my valuable time.
Okay that is all I wanted to say really. Carry on.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Filling of the Sausage Reprise
SO! It is funny how quickly things work out sometimes. Last time I did a filling of the sausage blog I was writting about how I wanted a game to play when Arkham was either to much to put up or break down, or just to prevent Arkham burn out. Last Night on Earth was presented to me and I gotta say it is a pretty fun game, however not my style. I do have plans for my Christmas bonus, I really want comic books though so we'll see I guess.
Anyway the game I discovered is called Arcane Legions. Yeah I know, I cringe just a little bit every time I type that in because it is a pretty stupid name but we'll work through that. The premise is that the year is 36 BC or something close to that. Marc Anthony and Cleopatra are fighting with Rome and I don't remeber how the Han dynasty fits in (Chinese) but it does. What do you want I am a little foggy on history. Anyway all that stops mattering when the night of mists happen and mythological beasts begin roaming the land and magic becomes a thing that happens now. It is a miniature war game on a pretty grand scale, and it brings the right combination of ease and cool factor to the table.
For example the romans have a calvery unit that is on bears. BEARS! People mounted on BEARS! That is made of exciting. The Egypitians have undead folks and who doesn't love the undead! Serial killers that's who. Oh yeah and the Chinese have all sorts of awesome things. I love chinese mythology so I am good to go.
The game is dead easy to teach and it looks to be incredibly friendly to new wargamers. It also has some of the best interpretation mounted archers I have ever seen in my entire life. This is because you are allowed to move, then shoot, then move again, along with other variety of orders. Also you are allowed to shoot into hand to hand combat which is fantastic. So you can use calvery units to anchor an enemy unit in place then use your horse archers to run up and do the pin cushion thing. Essentially this is a game that has been desighned by people who really know how to make a war game enjoyable and I can't bloody wait to start playing. Oh heh yeah the price is something that simply can not be beaten.
Anyway the game I discovered is called Arcane Legions. Yeah I know, I cringe just a little bit every time I type that in because it is a pretty stupid name but we'll work through that. The premise is that the year is 36 BC or something close to that. Marc Anthony and Cleopatra are fighting with Rome and I don't remeber how the Han dynasty fits in (Chinese) but it does. What do you want I am a little foggy on history. Anyway all that stops mattering when the night of mists happen and mythological beasts begin roaming the land and magic becomes a thing that happens now. It is a miniature war game on a pretty grand scale, and it brings the right combination of ease and cool factor to the table.
For example the romans have a calvery unit that is on bears. BEARS! People mounted on BEARS! That is made of exciting. The Egypitians have undead folks and who doesn't love the undead! Serial killers that's who. Oh yeah and the Chinese have all sorts of awesome things. I love chinese mythology so I am good to go.
The game is dead easy to teach and it looks to be incredibly friendly to new wargamers. It also has some of the best interpretation mounted archers I have ever seen in my entire life. This is because you are allowed to move, then shoot, then move again, along with other variety of orders. Also you are allowed to shoot into hand to hand combat which is fantastic. So you can use calvery units to anchor an enemy unit in place then use your horse archers to run up and do the pin cushion thing. Essentially this is a game that has been desighned by people who really know how to make a war game enjoyable and I can't bloody wait to start playing. Oh heh yeah the price is something that simply can not be beaten.
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