Of course I just lost 20 minuts while dicking around with face book. I wanted to link up my other blog so that I could just update everything as I go but that isn't happening. So I think what I am going to do is to keep it written in the other blog cause tradition and whatnot and I will do weekly updates in this one. So every sunday there will be a MASSIVE wall a text as a week's worth of novel hits. Or maybe not. I don't care. TOPIC.
So I wanted to return to the BDSM thing. Because it really did peak my interest. See in popular media there really is only two outlets that tried to portray BDSM in a symathetic light. One is Secretary which does a wonderful job of it and the other is the Night Porter which is an utterly profane movie that I happen to love. Beyond that we have some distant outliers, there is the Pillow Book which is a movie I find to be highly erotic but my goodness it can be a vexing visual experience. That man loves dresses. There is also Crash but Crash fits more into the other group of movies. The other group of movies uses BDSM for shock value or to set the charecters apart, like the leatherbar in Irreversable, Matchine from 8mm, or that most memorable scene in S7ven. Man I love that scene. The problem is that people learn alot from the media and as a result there are some noticable gaps in most bdsm lines of clothing because we all get lumped in this one weird sort of area and most people just sort of make due.
As a result most BDSM things tend to be brutish and kind of awful and it fails to properly represent the full range of things I would want to do with someone. I could talk about men's wear which consists of things like this:
Oh god WHY! What the hell are those buckles doing down there? But instead I think I am going to talk about the nature of restraint and what actually is happening when you are tieing someone up. I might tackle the clothing later, but really? REALLY? Where the hell could I possibly start? WHY IS HE WEARING GLASSES? *cries*
No seriously we are going to talk about restraint. You see I am going to start this by saying something rather obvious and depressing but when you tie up your partner you vastly reduce the dynamic possiblities that could happen within the session. There is no more leading around on leashes, no making unreasonable commands and then punishing them when they fail to comply, no more dancing for your amusement, knocking away their attempts at gental caresses before knocking them to the floor and savaging them, no more being bent over a desk reading to you, no more making them pick out their favorite switch, no more movement. When they are tied down that is pretty much the last place they are going. Sure you can drag them elsewhere, but ultimatly you have focused the range of possible actions down to a fairly limited spectrum. Sure sure you can get out the cloths pins, spiders, candle wax, knives, leeches, squids, vomit, used tampons, used condoms, pickles, you name it. The thing is though that once agency from the scene has been removed then there are only a certain number of things that can still happen. What happens, and what order they happen in is up to the dom but the sumbissive is no longer actually submissiver. With their agency removed via restraints there is little left to do but fuck them for a bit and go get a sandwich. You and l both know that there will be eventual untieing no matter how long you leave them so a lot of the suspence goes away. All the sub needs to do is endure.
Note that play sessions with fixed time limits also suffer from this problem. I can put up with a lot less shit when all the sudden I am not sure when it is going to end.
I would also like to take this time to point out that this isn't a case of my kink is better than your kink. If you like tieing people down or being tied down and that is where you want the end to be that is perfectly fine. I would also like to point out that once you tie someone down there really is a variety of things you can do to them. However, sexually I equate this variety with having mundane sex in zany locations. It works just fine for some people and more power to them, so long as I am not mopping up after them. However, I would like more out of my sessions.
This also isn't to say that tieing someone up isn't something I wouldn't do. See there can be an increadble amount of intemcy involved in the tieing down process. It is something I would want to drag out which is why Japanese rope bondage appeals to me far more than the whole bars and typical restraints sort of thing. I am a fan of this idea, however, I do recognize that once this happens I am going to do something that I can't just easily undo which is a shame.
The down side to all of this of course is that there is a much higher creative demand placed on the dom. See when you tie someone down sure you have lots of options but in a limited frame work. There is more control over the possible outcomes of the action. To put it in roleplaying terms it is like using a WIZARD to kidnap the players, and dumping them in a dungeon. Whereas not tieing them down leaves more freedom but also there are more things that can go wrong. We owe our submissives to be creative and wonderful in our punishments. I mean if they are willing to drag jugs of water by their testicles for us then we in turn should be willing and able to flex our creative muscles when coming up for things for them to do. They deserve better than a tie up, butt plug, rough fuck, and good night.
The tricky trick is adopting that sort of persona. This is where I am at a loss. Sorry kids. I've spent so much time repressing this part of myself that I have no idea what I need to do to someone to make them happy. I have some rough ideas though.
1) Gloves. I have an obsession with gloves, I always have and always will. I am not sure what it is but a caress while wearing a glove is something spectacular. When l take the gloves off that should be something special. Kinda like my socks. THis reminds me that I want some latex gloves. I shouldn't of bought more Call of Cthulhu cards. Oh well.
2) Dice. I am not sure what I would do with the dice but I do very much love them, also not the boring normal sex dice I am talking the geek dice. I like the way they look against skin.
3) Fake blood. Yeah I don't know what the deal is with this but I have always wanted to do a wide variety of things in, with, and around fake blood. Does this extend to real blood? I don't know I am afraid it might but cutting has to many practical concerns. Fortunaltly women bleed once a month and I'd like to exparament with that someday.
4) Risk. This is the ultimate reason why I am not a fan of the binding process. It removes the risk. I always want the danger present of having my partner turn on me and all the sudden I am the one taking the beating.
5) Marks. I love it when marks are left on me, especially scratches. I want my evenings to have geography etched into my skin, so that with the right kind of eyes you can see the progress of events.
There are other things. This is all I can think of right now. Also I am hungry which is a shame. I find that there is this increadbile inherent intamecy within the confines of how l view bdsm and like many of my emotions l have a hard time expressing them. Oh well somethings you just need to work through with time, honesty, exparamentation, and practice.
Okay next time you see writting in this space there will be a novel in progress.
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