Monday, August 31, 2009
It started with a comic called The Unknown Soldier which is what the fuck mega awesome and you need to go read it right the fuck now. It deals with the stuff going down in Uguanda. I also have another comic that is dealing with what is going in Darlfur, and there is a one shot of Thor where he visits some no name country in Africa. So I started getting all my source material together and I started to realize things. First off I didn't even know if Darlfur and Uguanda were the same place (Darfur is a region of Sudan not Uguanda). I then realized that the country in Thor was a real place. I did a little bit more preliminary reading and I realized that...holy shit this is big. I abandoned the project because of this problem. See we aren't talking about just Darfur, or Uguanda. We are talking about the better part of an entire continent. If they aren't genociding each other than there is famine, waste and corruption. Aids is sweeping across the entire continent at such a pace that if we stick our heads in the sand for long enough the Africa problem will solve itself. The entire continent is a disaster on a scale that simply hasn't been seen before or since. People like to blame colonialism but I think colonialism is mearly the thing that shined an ugly light on the problem.
See if it was down to one region I could say something, but this is a continent, I can't even imagine operating on that sort of scale. Okay I can, but it would be bad.
So lets turn to history. Europe used to be a shitty place to live. That place was in a series of wars more or less constantly up until WW1, WW2 was there to make sure that they never have an argument ever again about anything. Going through and looking at all the crap they used to do to each other? I mean man that was some fucked up shit. Then something happened and it all stopped.
China was roughly the same way. The whole of modern day china used to be several smaller warring factions, it wasn't until Cao Cao united the land through war and bloodshed that things began to settle down.
Japan had the same thing happen under Tokagowa, Ceaser conquored the known world and Alexander the Great did the same thing before him. Lets take a look at Pax Romana. 200 years of peace. There wasn't 200 years of peace everwhere mind you, I'm sure the Incas were kicking up a fuss, and Navahos were off making someone's life miserable, but you get the idea. Big sweeping war, then peace.
Now there is Africa, the cesspool of the world. Even if I were to go in and conquor it tomarrow I wouldn't want to keep it. The roman empire was more modern then that place.
There see that's it though. That is the voice of colonialism. The voice which says my way is better and here I am going to show you how, then I am going to make you do it that way. But...at the moment our way is better. It is LOOK. I mean my god there are people there who just want to go home and not have to worry about getting raped, then hacked apart by machettes. We aren't the best country in the world, not by a long shot. I also don't think democracy is the one true way. I do think that just ignore Africa under the mantra of, "they can figgure it out for themselves" is more than just a little bit bullshitty.
Big projects don't really scare me but lets face it, we can't even not fuck up Iraq. Imagine trying to deal with all of or even part of Africa? We would have to kill millions just so that they could be slightly safe.
As far as I am concerned this is a problem that won't go away as a result of diplomacy or any of that other crap. But ignoring it? Ignoring it is just unacceptable to me.
The most I can think of is this. Protect those who wish to live peacefully as best as we are able. They are the future of that country. While we protect them we can show them sustainable farming and such so they don't end up with the same problems as us. I dunno, the answer is actually very simple. It is however, just to big. It is something the whole world needs to be concerned with, it is something the rest of africa needs to be concerned with. No one wants another Ceaser, Cao Cao, et cetera, but the better way requires all of us.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Okay you done? Actually I don't care.
So Language games! First some preliminary reading.
"2....Let us imagine a language ...The language is meant to serve for communication between a builder A and an assistant B. A is building with building-stones; there are blocks, pillars, slabs and beams. B has to pass the stones, and that in the order in which A needs them. For this purpose they use a language consisting of the words 'block', 'pillar', 'slab', 'beam'. A calls them out; --B brings the stone which he has learnt to bring at such-and-such a call. -- Conceive of this as a complete primitive language. "
"6. We could imagine that the language of (2) was the whole language of A and B; even the whole language of a tribe. The children are brought up to perform these actions, to use these words as they do so, and to react in this way to the words of others."
"7. In the practice of the use of language (2) one party calls out the words, the other acts on them. In instruction in the language the following process will occur: the learner names the objects; that is, he utters the word when the teacher points to the stone.--And there will be this still simpler exercise: the pupil repeats the words after the teacher--both of these being processes resembling language. We can also think of the whole process of using words in (2) as one of those games by means of which children learn their native language. I will call these games 'language-games' and will sometimes speak of a primitive language as a language-game.
And the processes of naming the stones and of repeating words after someone might also be called language-games. Think of much of the use of words in games like ring-a-ring-a-roses. "
Wittgenstein is neat. It also gets much much more complicated later on. Right now though we can all be good with that. Yeah? Well to bad that is all I could find off the interwebs at the moment. Those numbers at the start of each quote are actually in the text. He did that to make the whole thing easily cross reffrencable. You can see it happen in both 6&7 where he reffrences 2. It's neat he was dyslexic so he broke up his text like that to avoid tripping over himself like I am wont to do. He als does it because he is weird.
Language games is one of the foundational building blocks which I used to construct my ideas of both politics and the outer church. It is also the way I use to justify a lot of my ideas regarding the way we construct our value systems and moral beliefs. Language is how we communicate after all, not just with each other but also inside our own heads as well. When we think to ourselves we don't revert to some basic proto language that only works for ourselves, this is unfortunate and I think I might get started building one. No our own introspection is affected by language as well.
Alright all ready off to the point. If you aren't on board by now I'll catch you later. Lets start big and work our way down. At this historical moment the biggest, shineyest, example of one word meaning all sorts of diffrent things is nigger. Oh yeah. I don't really throw that word around to be big scary or shocking, but lets face it. This is the clearest example of what I am talking about ever.
Quick run down
Black on Black- Some of them disaproove of it, some of them don't care, but the offense is mild to moderate at worst.
White on White- Well if I walk past you and hear I will think you are stupid. It is generally used ironically...or as a synonym for dude.
Black on White- Not a good idea.
That's how language games work. Honestly, I would be better off with another Wittgenstein quote but it will do. Go back up to two. Stone has a diffrent meaning between builder assistent than it would between two people hanging out looking at pretty rocks. I illustrated this with nigger. I also chose nigger, because the word itself has a set of ideological values behind it. Black on black it is a source of something, speaking for black culture will just make me look like an idiot but if I had to hazard a guiss I would say that it is a source of identity for them.
When we go white on black it takes that source of identity and preverts it, it turns it ugly in the most profound way possible and makes that identity into a shameful thing. THats so strange too, that identity could be shameful.
Thing is that it connects together for much bigger ideas as well. Groups of people gather together based son something...lets say gaming. Within this gaming group words will take on certain meanings that they don't really have in out side world. Nuts I can't think of one at the moment but they do. So when one member of the gaming group mixes with another group and starts to throw the terms around to people who aren't familiar with it there will be confusion. The closter the word sounds like it actually means something the worst this disconnect will get.
Hyperreality is an excelent example. It sounds like it means something, realtiy that is so real that it becomes unreal. Or whatever you think it means in your head. Its cool. It is actually a theoretical term coined by Bauldillard in his book Simulacra and Simulation. It means something specific. When we take it, and run with it based on what we think it means we are creating a language game around it. When we take it to our friends we induct them into the language game, and this conitnues onwards. The original deinition isn't lost, it is just changed to a limited group of people.
We do this on a much larger scale with ideas.n Lets take... hmm... abortion. No I just erased a paragraph proving that abortion is a terible example. The rules to D20. Actually I just repeat myself by saying the same thing in the nigger section.
The problem here is that this is fundamental. It is also unique not only with every individual person, but also with every group of people that person interacts with. I think I am going to come back to this topic in a little bit.
What I am running into is the problem that people act diffrently in a group of people than alone. There is a certain vidication in knowing that next to you there are people who hold the same beliefs and that you two are playing the same language game when you speak to each other. Those who we choose to surround ourselves with have a much bigger impact on our actions than say a talking head in a box. We will take that talking head's words and we will convert it to our own. Or we will take our own rules and convert them to the talking heads. Either way. Okay yeah I need to come back to this one after some reading. There is more here I just need to get at it. I also want a pretzle.
Or perhaps you are one of them. It is hard to say. See there is this piece of convetional wisdom that "the media" is this all encompassing urentity which controls "the masses". This is an argument that for a long time I agreed with and even advanced every so often. Then... I started to make arguments that advanced things like personal responcibility, and I started to break away from the idea of reffering to people as empty souless masses and I started to recognize them more as people. More and more the arguments for media dogmaism began to fall by the wayside further and further until now I am on the other side of the argument. The problem is that I didn't take the rest of the world with me and I can't do my outer church politics love fest when I have people still believing that we are a homogenious mass of that all think/believe the same thing and that it is the media that makes us this way. I realize now that I can describe the media's eddects in terms of my own theory, and I might either do that later as part of a larger post where I talk aobut the catholic church along with it. Still we need to do some generalized practical work, and flying off on my own little thing is appealing but I'll wait a little bit before doing so.
I need to repaint my nails. TThere are three of us again which means no more pots and pans. Don't worry that's code for something, if you were menat to know you'll know.
First a linguistic approch. THe phrase "Media control". Meida control it is one of those things oh man for now on I am spelling media as Medea because that is really cool. Medea control, is one of those concepts that we don't even question anymore. The medea gives out information, people absorb this infomation as fact and they don't form their own opinions, instead their opinions comes from the "dark part" of the medea. Reductive? No not really that is how these people believe the world works. There is this fundamental belief that other people all think diffrently and by diffrently not at all. However, in terms of people and their responces, the media controls NOTHING. Nothing at all. They do not have mind control lasers, they do not beam information directly into people's heads, they don't even force us to watch. No. What the media does is influence people's views.
Yeah that may not seem like such a big deal. However it is. I don't think there is a big fancy latin term for it. BUT it is a logical fallicy. Or I suppose more accuratly it is a rhetorical trick. Eiher way it is one of the lower of the blows. See by using the word control it adds an extra sense of urgency to the arguement that simply isn't present when we use a term like influence even though influence is the more accurate term. Control is one person asserting their will over another suplanting desires and free will. That is what control is. Control isn't a narrowing of options it is me telling you what it is you will do. Control is hot. The media no more controls what people think and believe any more than video games lead to violent behavior. You can tell you can watch yourself a little Glenn Beck Marathon and not think he is right once.
If you hadn't guessed it the video game thing is part of my next point. See this is another fallicy which does have a fancy name but I can't remember what it is. I also don't feel like looking it up. See this presupposes that you believe that the media isn't a major influence in violent behavior. If you think violent media CAUSES violent behavior see the above section. Enough on that topic. Behavior, and beliefs are two different things but they are indeed closely linked. Lots of people behave based on their beliefs, you know how that goes.
Now I'd use these two arguments to form an ideological wedge which I can then use to pry their argument open and I can begin pulling out all the garbage that they have had rammed into their heads from... you know I have no idea where it comes from.
As a brief aside the idea of media control is actually really simplistic. This is because it is so rarely challanged. I mean the only people who would stick up for the media are people in the media or drones. Drones are awesome but should generally be written up as either special cases or lost causes. You essentially have to deprogram these people which is a fascinating process, but it is also something I've never managed to successfully do. I've come close, but man it is rough going. Anyway, no forget the anyway I just sort of airdropped drones in without explaining what is going on lets get to that.
Back when nintendo was a real company we called them Nintendbots. They are the people who get violent during the coke vs. Pepsi debat, and heaven forbid you run into one of them while you are trying to talk about something real. These are the drones. People who have entirely surrendered themselves to whatever dogma happens to catch their atension. They are big, loud, kind of scary, and they will whole hearted believe just about anything no matter how utterly insane it is. These are the people that media dogmaists end up pointing at the most. They do present a tricky thing to work around. One thing that is important to do is to remeber that these people have always excisted. THere has pretty much always been an entity out there telling people what to think. The easiest and most famous example of this starts with a C and ends in atholic church. Sure sure religion blah blah blah. I am willing to say that the catholic church used religion as a convient vehicle to get its message acrost without being argued with. The media just had to develope some really interesting tools.
I think I got mos of this down and taken care of. One of the things I need to address, is something that actually came out of left field for me, and that is the unifying effect of the internet. The funny thing about this argument is that it, it, god I actually don't know where to begin because it is so perfect. So utterly perfect that you can't even begin to imagine it. The argument as presented is that the internet acts as a unifying force which allows fringe groups to gather together under one banner. I'm not sure where it came from or how but it caught me off gaurd with how utterly wrong that statement is and how utterly perfect it is for my point.
The internet here died and I forgot how much I love notpad. Then I just fixed it! Still love note pad. Anyway...
The internet as a unfying force? Are you seriouse? That is about as far away from the truth as you can possibly get in terms of what the internet does. As a communication platform, it generally is a spectacular failure on a grand scale. Take look at the evolution of blogger, which came from livejornal, and before that the personal webpage. Lets face it right now I am just a little bit better than a talking head. See you can leave a comment or something, but there is no gaurntee I'll read it. Actually FYI I get no notiication what so ever when people leave a comment so sometimes months will go by before I will see it. The communication here is nearly entirely one way. There are forums, but lets face it forums are more people shouting their opionons next to each other rather than to each other. There isn't enough of a dialouge, and even when there is, the conversation is rife with things like misinterpretation, people reading to fast, or even people no teading the entire post without thinking. Aim and other chat programs don't really do much better in this regard. Esentially communication over the internet is just like comunication in real life, it is flawed, people don't listen,there is an over excitment to express one's own views rather than to deal with the ones at hand, and actual conncetion is exceedingly rare. The internet is not a solution. It is a tool, just like the rest of "the media".
With the expetion of the drones, people cherry pick what they believe and what they don't. They form their opinions because they agree with what they hear or they see no reason to disagree with it.
This blog became ramble tastic but I enjoyed writting it, I got a better handle on what I want to say for a later date. I need to dig out my copy of philosphical investigations and really put some weight behind this.
Here's how just from memory. See there are the language games... hrm I'm gonna break this off into a new post though.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Like my laptop. I bought one you know I am using it right now. It is an Acer EeePC, it has a usable hard drive space of 144 gigs, which is pretty snazzy, window xp, and enough ram to get around pretty nicely. It also has a web camera which I have yet to make any sort of use of. Web cams are just not something that factor into my life very well. All in all it meets or exceeds my expectations.
Some things about it though bug me. Every once in awhile the keyboard will stop responding. I think it is a .dll crashing or something along those lines. I have absoluly no idea, and it has only happened twice now. So it is a reasonably isolated incident which I am sure I can correct with a visit to the web page should it be really important. It will also start chugging if you are looking at a scanned .pdf file. THis is something that effects both dirty pirates and normal people. Personally I think that this mostly has to do with adobe not looking at the files very effectivly but who really knows at this point. Other than that it does exactly as I want, or need it to. The first thing I did with it is install a copy of X-Com UFO defense which is still more fun than sex on crack. Actually I am not so sure that sex on crack is such a good idea, I think someone might end up hurt. But you know what I mean. Dwarf Fortress, sadly, does not run very well on it. Oh well. I am thinking of stocking it with a variety of other older games from all generas as well as a mame emulator. I primarly want to be able to use this thing for work though which is what I do.
Three hours of battery life. That seems both the minimum and the maximum you are going to squeeze out of it. When I was at firestone getting new tires I turned off the wifi card, turned down the brightness, and I shut a couple of other things off with pretty much the same results. So that's nice to know. All in all it is a great little product. It is pretty much the thing I have been demanding for years now, a tiny word processor, and now I have it. Thrilling. I see people with giant laptops or even more rediculous the desktop replacement laptops, and I have to wonder why the hell those things seem like a good idea. For me this will fit all my needs for a good long time to come which is pretty exciting all and all.
I've been a lot more productive in general with it, and I can even use it in bed which is most lovely. Oh well lunch is over and I am most relaxed so this is all a good thing.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
1) NASA wants to move the earth. The sheer unbridled arrogance of these people just blows my freaking mind. I mean really? REALLY? You can't even fucking land something on Mars but directing a 100 meter object close to us but not close enough to hit us so that our orbit becomes altered is "basic rocket science" Go to hell. http://www.impactlab.com/2009/08/11/nasa-wants-to-move-the-earth/
2) On that same page they have a sidebar survey. Apparently the majority of that site's readers think we have the best healthcare plan in the world. Now if that isn't a case of propaganda backfiring I don't know what is. I really need to find this lecture video that does an amazing job at showing you how shit our healthcare is.
3) Time has this page full of quotes, " People wanted bigger weddings, nerwer carriages...They were buying things they didn't need" -Mervin Lehman an Amish father of 4, on why his commuinty in Indiana is struggling finacially. Man we can all take a lesson away from that.
4) I got to test out some of my theories on Marxism last night, you know the ones I just wrote a couple of posts ago. They help up well! I am excited.
5) My OC/politics thing did not do as well as I would of liked. I really need to be more agressive against media dogmaists. The experience did leave me much wiser and I am now better prepared to take on media dogmaists next time.
6) Really REALLY at the end of the day, people give the media way to much fucking credit.
7) Atlantica Online is really really fun! And I didn't hit a lick of grind until lvl 70 which is pretty god damned impressive considering the cap is 120. Although according to the story I am 6 levels behind where I should be, but I am a badass so things matter less to me.
8) I should write about the healthcare reform. I does directly effect me after all. I just don't have enough of an opinion about it either way. It is one of those things I am for and against it at the same time and the problem is far more complex than anyone is giving it credit.
9) More interesting to me is what is going on with the ecconomic stimuls but hey no one seems to want to talk about it. Fuckers.
10) I need to subscribe to harpers, the beliver and McSweenies. That is what I am doing with my christmas bonus.
11) Amanda Palmer is a worthy addtion to twitter readings.
12) I should write about twitter and my complex feelings twords it.
13) I should also get started on a SLA Industries campain because I got a feeling I am going to be running one fairly soon
14) I think I might be getting depressed. I've had to struggle harder and harder to keep my creative momentum going and when I opened this blog up my first thought was "Why up date no one reads it including you" THAT'S NOT COOL. Fuck I dun't wanna be depressed I was having fun.
15) I need to see if anything is going on with the vomit gore trilogy
16) I realized last night why I get so excited when I talk about Slaughtered Vomit Dolls and its sequel regorgitated sacrifice. It is because they are something new. It is something that I have never seen before. I am not jaded. Not by a long stretch. At the same time though Slaughtered Vomit dolls breaks new ground not just because of the vomit but also because it carves a new path into the genera of cerebral horror.
17) Watch Taxidermia. Shut up and do it. District 9 isn't that good.
18) I judge books by their covers and you know what? It works.
19) You know I realized something. I don't have a group of people. There is nowhere I can go where I will feel fundamentally welcomed. Goth's have goth clubs, gamers have game stores, and people have diffrent variety's of bars. I am...not alone. That just sounds dramatic and stupid. But I seem to get along the best where everyone in the group all looks diffrent.
20) One comment about Sasha in the reffrence to the above and I will find and kill you.
Friday, August 14, 2009
It is a chilling look at the future where now we have youtube, and anyone with a little bit of knowlage can see real people being killed and and tortured for free.
There is a problem here. See here's my thing. I am deeply invested in the idea that violent media doesn't cause violent behaviour. I don't watch Ong Bak and punch people in the head, I don't watch Gone in 60 Seconds then go drive a stolen car really fast, I don kill people after American Psycho. The same is true for roleplaying games, video games, books, movies, and porn. It just doesn't happen that way. This is an argument I have heavily theorized, and to protect it I will leap all over some seemingly innocent theories just because of their potential applications. It is one thing I will not back down over, and if you ever really really want to see me argue with someone this is the way to do it. Yet I have a problem.
The main flaw of my argument, which oddly enough no one ever brings up because people don't know how to debate is, "If it isn't violent media then what the fuck is the problem". Blaming parents? Trendy but a little overplayed, also parents have been fucking up the gentle art of raising children since the dawn of time and we didn't nearly have the same problems we do now. SO I'm willing to let them off easily.
The thing is that the core of my argument is that what people are watching is a fictional representation of a series of actions. They aren't real and they are in of themselves inert. See how two people can read the same book but get wildly diffrent views of what happended? That is part of the proof that media doesn't cause violence because media doesn't cause anything. If it did then we would all have the same reactions and we'd all buy pepsi and a consordium of poets would rule the earth with an iron fist.
However, this youtube thing. I can go watch someone die. For real. And to me that is sick. I have a solum rule which not even I want to break. I don't watch movies where people/animals are delivertly injured for my enjoyment. So no "Children of the Sun", "Cannibal Holocaust", or "Apocalypse Now" for me. I've watched some intense movies. Really intense disturbing movies, and I got to say that I enjoyed them. I am looking foward to the third Lucien Valentine vomit movie if that is saying anything. But watching real things die for my petty burgeoisie entertainment is wrong. Flat out. If I am bored I can watch tv, masturbate, inflict my prescense upon other people, drink, do drugs, but to go onto the internet to watch people die? That is pretty delibertly fucked up.
4chan takes it to another level. Where they will take the deaths of real people and turn them into jokes. People who will no longer dance, laugh, love, or sing, who's lives ended in cruel horrible ways plastered over the internet so that people can laugh. That whole activity is fucking sick.
So how do I rationalize the two. How can I say that violent media doen't cause violence when people are turning real pain/tragidy into their own warped form of entertainment. I don't know. But I do care. I slightly feel that I have been backing the wrong horse. Maybe I have. Maybe, despite all their fear, their terrible terrible ignorance, bullshit science, maybe they are right. There something out there has eroded our ability to maintain a healthy relationship between what we watch, how we watch it, and what we do. Something that is inside the individuals themselves.
I dunno. In other news NASA wants to move the damn earth. That deserves it's own entry though because what the fuck NASA seriously you are made of retarded.
Well I am apparently going to go shoot up a school now because I play violent video games. Or something like that.
Monday, August 3, 2009
It's a sad article it really is. I don't think I've ever seen an organization with it's head so far up its own ass as this one.
So here is the idea. The idea is to take the bible and bring back its status as a holy text by putting it on display. It even gives you a place where you can write in the bible so that if you've ever felt excluded by it. Now I can see how this would be a good idea. It involves a commitee coffee and a generalized misunderstand of the abuses that the church and church going people heap upon the rest of the world. Yeah no I am seriouse. See they actually honestly thought that this would warm people's hearts and they would happily reclaim the bible with all the love and compasion that it entails.
Honestly, this is an absolutly brilliant piece of instalation art that I should of come up with. This is the sort of thing I think about ever god damned day. It would be awesome, better than this show clearly, but no they beat me to it. However, their intension is not like mine.
The catholic churches responce is, "The Church of Scotland expressed concern, the Catholic Church called the exhibit infantile, and a Christian lawyers' group said that the exhibition was symptomatic of a broken and lawless society" Yeah not kidding I quoted and everything.
Symptomatic of a broken and lawless society, that's kind of funny coming from the church. Now granted I live in the bible belt so my anti religious views are kicked into over drive for self preservation purposes. But hey I have people standing on the street corrners yelling about how I am going to hell. Those people are crazy. However, I digress. People were writting in the bible about how they were bi-sexual and that any god that wouldn't have them the way they are built can fuck off, and things of that sort. This isn't an infantile reaction at all. This is a reaction that is tired of the shit that is perpetuated by the church day in and day out. We are tired of being condemed for who we are, how we dress, or the way we live our lives. Jesus takes in a prostiute and that fact is pushed off to the side so that smug mother fuck church goers can feel better about themselves.
Church calls us infantile but how many atrocities have they commited? And how many have they fessed up to and apologised for? What about the fact that the catholic church decided one century to remove dozens of books from the bible to make things easyer for them, or hey you know the molestation of children. What you are seeing is a protest. A protest in its finest and purest form.
See the bible it isn't such a bad book. Sure it disagrees with abortion, and it will tell your your sexual prefrence. But before it will do either of those things it will tell you to accept and love the people around you. That's the most important lesson. People then take that lession, ignore it, and fuck it up as hard as humanly possible. Jesus camps, protesting gay funerals, bombing abortion clinics... yeah none of that is really part of the whole bible thing. All that is just people being people, which is retarded.
It is sad really becuase this could be a chance. A chance for the church to really let people express their anger twords religion, anger they richly deserve. It could be the start of a dialouge, and maybe just maybe it could lead to the first faltering steps twords reconciliation between the church and people who have been alienated by it. Instead, the church did what it always does, and spits on the people who they are supposed to exalt, calling us childen, or worse yet wild animals. Then they wonder why we have so much rage twords the bible.
I wasn't sick I just had an ear wax blockage in my head which has to be one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever experienced. I wanted to kill that young man. He also called me bro. People who call me bro require me to make a physical effort to not crush their windpipe. I hate that kid. Oh well, so I had to go to the Baptist Medical Center. It is basicly a walk in attached to one giant ass hospital. It is the hospital that ambulances drive past to go to the better one. And yet...yet.... from my enterence into the lobby to my final exit from the lobby I wasn't there for longer than an hour and a half. Holy fuck. The longest time spent on anything was my actual procedure. I didn't even get to finnish reading one of my Time magazines which is increadble to me. Now my ears are unclogged, my sinuses have cleared up, all the pain and discomfort is gone and I no longer want to kill every living thing in a 5 mile radius.
Yeah it was bad. See here is the thing, I get sexual arousal from domination and pain. I am a migraine sufferer...wait wait. See that spelling of migrain? Yeah well it is retarded we are doing it my way from now on. Anyway, yeah migrains there have been times where I have spent hours in the bath room clutching a toilet bowl vomiting in the dark. Ever vomit in the dark? It is one of the most depressing experiences ever. Bt I couldn't have the light on because it hurt way to much. I've done this. Yet... I would rather have a migrain that all that ear bullshit. Migrains are big, dramatic and fucking spectacular let me tell you. However, they are also finite. When a migrain hits you know what the next 12-24 hours will entail. Pain! Then it will be over. Sometimes you'll need the next day to recover, especially if there is vomiting involved, sometimes you can shake off the after effects like a bad memory, either way the pain goes away and you are free to wander off.
This ear shit? Nope. It will stick around forever Until you deal with it. You could swallow sinus medication, take advil until you are shitting your stomach lining, and anything else you can think of and it will still be there. It will never go away and it will only get worse. Not only that but if I moved around to much I got fucking nauseous, I hate nausea it drives me insane. It is a really cool word though. Nausea look at it, I love the letters s-e-a, they flow so well together. Hrm. Yeah though, I am glad that is over with. I have not been having a fun time of it and I am glad my problems are solved.
Oh yeah I have an ear infection too. BULLSHIT! HOwever, I got free medicine to get rid of it which is pretty bad ass because I am poor.
Oh and I hate the irish but that is a diffrent story entirely.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
1) I downloaded and played Spore. That game really is a pile of ass. As a toy it gains top marks. It is fun to screw with creature bits, desighn buildings, mess with junk...but the actual game itself is not fun. Well okay the cell phase is a great deal of fun. When something 80 billion times your size comes chasing after you it is increadble fun to turn, fight, and win. I did win too. My first battle was epic as I circled the giant monstrosity for mintus dodging nimbly between the spikes that covered its body, nibbling away at its health until it died. Then... I got absolutly no reward. Self satisfaction was almost enough though.
Then in the next phase we had tribes and such and we wandered around gathering food and kill those who fools who happened to be next to us. Now see this is where I thought it would get exciting. See if I kill 5 of thier dudes they go extinct and I naturally thought the same rules would apply to me. They didn't. Everyone left me alone and I was free to rip the heads off of whoever I wanted to with impunity. THe rest of the game left me feeling similarly blah.
I think it is because I've been spoiled. Some of my favorite games are X-Com UFO Defesne, Dwarf Fortress, Alpha Centuri, and I really want to take a couple of days off from work to learn to play Europa Universals III, or maybe the rome version I can't tell. Either way I am excited about those games. The point being is that when I sit down to the computer to play a game I have this weird expectation that things are going to be complex and exciting and when they aren't I am annoyed. The thing is that Spore could of been everthing I asked of it. 90% of the games development is graphics, so they could of spent a couple of extra months or even a year putting an actual game behind their little toy but they didn't. That is sad.
2) Bye bye hours. So my hours have been cut for no real reason other than to piss me off. I feel like I should be pissed off because they are my hours and I should both fight and die for them, and yet I just don't feel like it. I am enjoying the extra time I now have on a weekly basis and I have to say that I am much less tired and in a much better mood over all. It also makes my weeks fly by faster. So I am generally happy with this new situation.
I do make signifigantly less money now though. SAD! SO I have to seriously cut down on my cash expendatures, which is something I wanted to do anyway. It will be easyer now though because I work less. Yeah I know for most people the opposite is true, but I tend to justify most expendatures with the justification that I work a lot and I need these things to enjoy...gah lunch is over