Monday, September 13, 2010


Numbers! So I have had a paticularly metatative day today at work. I went around thinking about Math as a language and what is at stake in the idea of the mathimatical language. It went alright, nothing ground breaking, nothing that hasn't been done before, but it was still nice. After awhile I began to respect how precise it is. While it certainly lacks in brevity it makes up in precision. Emotions though, that's where it gets tricky. I like emotions though. I also like the crystal wall. I love me some crystal. Woo meth. More to the point though I think math could come as close to our normal language when it comes to describing emotions, that is it wouldn't be able to do it very well. I imagine that the formula involved would use a series of personal memories as examples, or place holder values then one set of variables would be imputed by me and the other set of variables would be compleated by the person I would be trying to comunicate with. This would go back and forth until we reach some sort of agreement.

I think. I didn't think about this for very long.

I then thought about consent for a bit. Consent is a thing. You need it for sex and that is no joke. The thing about consent is that there is that niggling argument about the idea of coercion when it comes to obtaining consent. So like girl wants to have sex with me, and I wanna play video games, so she wines and wines until I consent to having sex with her. This is where things start to fall down. It is hard to argue against that. Because at its core the argument is absurd. However, everything that isn't the core of the argument isn't absurd. That is rough. Utilmatly though is that when people begin to theorize relationships people will meet with nothing but sadness, failure, OR you will think you are super smart and spurior to everyone else. The thing about relationships is that they are all unique despite christianity's, and popular media's best efforts.

And holy shit this girl's voice is incredibly piercing. I wish she would smoke more.

Relationships are built. They aren't things that can be summed up and condensed down into a series of theroies which excist to make something nice and neat, whereas there is nothing, and I mean nothing nice and neat about relationships. It has gotten to the point where I am going to start killing my ex lovers as it just makes life easier if I don't have to deal with them ever again. Ah life. Going back to what I was talking about relationships are complex and at the end of the day I would be willing to acquiesce to the pressure argument, if people gave up on passive agressive silly little social games. There is NO way to get everything that a relationship is into a clump of theory. People will try though, and they will come so close but at the end it all falls apart.

A little bit like my concentration.

There are new things to talk about now. It is 10pm and I want to go home. I am not going to though because I need to get some writting done. I miss it. Today I realized that National Novel Writting Month is right around the corner. I also realized that at this time last year I had FAR more projects going on than I do now. Actually, let me clarifiy I had a 100% more projects going on at this time last year whereas now I don't really have any sort of long range writting projects, no real intense reading projects, no art projects, I'm not even playing any games with any real seriousness...other than Touhou but that doesn't really count. So I started to wonder why this is. I realize that I am dealing with more and more social obligations that are all time consuming. I roleplay on friday nights, thursday night anime club, tuesday malifaux, I need to spend one to two evenings planning for friday and thats... the week. I don't have a whole lot of time to just sort of hang out and write for me, hell I hardly have enough time for kingdom of loathing, or all sorts of other things. The other day I was hemming and hawing over starting a new book because I was afraid of not having enough time to read it. Of course this book doesn't use paragraph breaks or sentences so it isn't something I can just pick up and put down.

Sooo I am not sure what I want to do about that. I like roleplaying! I like City of Heroes. I like writing, reading, calligraphy, and all sorts of other things. Soooo I am not entierly certain as to what I am going to do about this little conudrum. Also, to be perfectly honest, I've been in a bit of a slump these past couple of...I guess for a month in a half now. How aweful. I'm out of it now I think. Like the whole slump thing it wasn't bad but it definitly felt like my brain just plain old shut off. I still maintained all sorts of stuff though, I don't think anyone noticed. Yay for me. So now then, there is a future before me and I am perfectly willing to see just what is out there. On that note I am going home and playing city of heros.

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