Not My Novel, Also Not What I am Supposed to be Writting

Well so recently I've discovered that there is something wrong inside of me. Mentally/spititually not physically. After trying out the most obviouse and easy answer I realized that it is something bigger than that. Well fuck. I should be trying to figgure out what it is. But I only have 45 minuts before I need to go to work so I'll do it when I have a little more time. I'm not depressed, and I am generally in a really good mood. But it is something that is kinda causing me to go to ground, hence the lack of updates here. Yeah you would think it would be the fucking novel that slows me down. Nope!

So the other day out of curiosity I began going over it trying to figgure out what I would need to do to make it a real book. After poking around I realize that the answer is a-fucking-lot. First of all I tend to write a scene a day. So as a result each scene in the book averages 2000 words and is three pages long. This leads to a highly unatural reading experience. This is a reult of both not wanting to stop writting in the middle of a scene and the need to have a minimum word count to meet. Bleh. So I would need to go around smoothing things out BIG time. In addition, because I am writting so fast, there are certain scenes that need more time spent with them, and quite frankly they just didn't get enough atension. For example, assuming the book ends at 50k words then I have literally spent half the book building up the introduction of this charecter. I know that whatever the hell it is I wrote isn't good enough. The idea behind her introduction is to make her seem like a let down and to make you question the main charecter's sanity even more than you have been. But I think I got a little bit to carried away with the let down part. I am about to unleash her in her full glory...tonight actually so I am pretty excited.

Also I tend to repete myself a lot. I don't mean to. What I mean to do is to advance the theme I am trying to in an interesting or clever way. Instead I end up repeating myself. This is ever so slightly embarassing. However, it is also stuff like this that causes me to not finish anything. I get so wrapped up in things I tend to forget to work on them. So far I am really happy that I am participating in NaNo. I am learning a lot of stuff about myself, and it is almost thrilling to watch myself set a goal, and now I am meeting it. All by myself with no real outside encouragement. Hell I haven't even updated my Nano profile and I don't know a single other person who is actually doing it.

Fuck most people haven't even askes what the book is about.

Not the point though. The point is that I am doing it and I am happy!

Soon I am going to get started on the post modern pornography project, or the ppp for short. I think I am going to end up just ordering a copy of ecrits in the mail because it is just something I know I am going to end up needing time and time again. I don't want to use Lacan, every time I use Lacan I develop a rash in my nether regions and a profound sense of guilt every time I use a metaphore. OH FUCK a lacnian reading of furries? That would be BAD ASS! Post modern fetish project coming your way this summer. Or something like that.

I'd be using this. Man that would be cool.

Anyway, the ppp is going to only be half finnished for awhile. Mostly because Sasha's current situation doesn't allow for long periods of sustained writting, and I am not there to "encourage" her to get to work. Still I am going to do my part. I've decided that for my primary texts I am going to use some Jenna Jameson pornos. I'm doing this for three reasons, 1) She is as close to mainstream as a porn star can get, 2) She is in depressingly vanilla pornos, 3) I think she is really funny looking. Most scholarly work I've read that looks at pornography fails to anchor any of its arguments in acutual specific porno movies. This makes sense of course because the vast majority of pornography is interchangable. Still you need a way to achor arguments. By using Jenna, the everywoman of pornography to talk about pornography I hope to sort of level the coversation out and to get some actual real work done with how pornography functions in regards to its viewer.

I also maintain the right to abandon this line of inquery and go hunt down really cool fetish porn. But whatever.

Hey I own an Ink pad I remeber what that was for. I should reactivate that project.

After that I'll be turning my atensions elsewhere. I'm not forgetting about that. Shroddinger's Rapist indeed. Grow. Up.

Meh. Oh hey so tomarrow I am demoing Arcane Legions to a vast majority of my friends. I wish I had some gaming terrian I could use. I could go and buy some but that is really fucking expensive. I think what I am going to end up doing is using deck boxes, and card boxes to represent ruined buildings until I can actually get some built. I also need a tape measure, can't forget that.

I've been wanting to play a mass combat minature game since...fuck I dunno since middle school which is where I first heard of warhammer. The thing about warhammer and its future counter part is that they are both increadbly average games that just aren't very fun. This game seems really neat though, it looks really easy to pick up. The price is right, I've just about assemebled two entire armies for the same price as this:

Granted yeah that thing is cool enough for me to want a tatoo of it. But it is just one part of a much much larger army. So I could get two entire armies for another game, or that. Hrm. So hopefully other people will get into it. There is tons of variety with troop selection and the types of armies you can field which is really important to me. So despite the fact that there are only three factions you can have three people playing the same faction but end up with three very diffrent armies.

Also they don't really do blind buying which is AWESOME.

Aright enough on Arcane Legions I really want to do a blog post on it all by itself after I've played a couple of games with people. I want to do a comparison which shows how this game does a lot of things right in comparison to other companies who end up doing things increadbly wrong.

I'm pretty excited. I also need to go to work. Well fine. Tonight is an exciting part of the story! I am thinking I'm going to end up devoting two nights to it cause it is really important. I'm not so sure. Just about the whole cast is getting brought out and that's going to be neat. Kay late late.

Post werk update! This thing that's bothering me, I don't feel like explaining what it is right now. It totally excists though. I am starting to think that it might be some fancy new coping method for dealing with the holidays. I hate the holiday season, I really fucking do. I always have hated it and I pretty much always will. So this might be a way of dealing with it that isn't depression. If it is that would be AWESOME! We'll see how it goes when the holidays actually get here, and if the problem still percists after they are gone.

The less time I spend uncontrollabley depressed the fucking better. I can't stand that shit and it is such a stupid waste of my valuable time.

Okay that is all I wanted to say really. Carry on.