So much for that

So I decided I want ed to use more reffrences and citations here. Look at the last post! I did such a great job! So I was going to make a reffrence to a post I thought I wrote. And... I didn't.

I didn't even write it and forget to publish it, NO that shit just isn't real. I know I've touched on this topic before else where so I could go find it, but it really is an inordinate amount of effort. It isn't like this is going to be literary theory or the start of an inflamitory political discourse. Or even about high class geekery. Instead it is going to be about me. Yep little old me. I've been doing that alot lately but I've also been Nanoing and that takes a tremendouse amount of time. It really does. Oh well.

Anyway occationally I'll just be sitting around and something will come over me and I'll realize that things are going to change soon. Oppertunities will happen, doors will open, some will shut, but change will occure. Basicly, something will happen and all the sudden my staus quo will be in danger. Now I like to believe that my status quo and I have a healthy relationship. I accept some changes into my life with open, loving arms, and I am generally okay with it. Other times I am fending off said change with a bat and a fist full of furious anger. Also sometimes I accept it with a sort of dull placid inevitablilty.

Sometimes when I get these feelings I feel kind of paranoid and strange. Sitting there with my milk and cookies surrounded by candles all the sudden I look up from a book and go, "change is coming". Utter madness. Then when it does you end up saying to yourself, "Holy shit that just happened". That's the thing though I'll know it is coming but I'll never know what form it will take or how long it will last. This month it seems like my past is coming back to roost. People, some who I haven't spoken to in months, others years, still others 5 years or more are suddently showing up. Other times it is me going out and finding these people who I haven't spoken to and digging them up. Either way everyone who has started talking to me again is a welcome addition to my circle of socialization. Which is rare! Normally there is someone who I just have to throw out or something.

Anyway. I once wrote to Sasha about the ghosts from my past coming to haunt me. This was a time, like now, where people were showing up. However, some of these weren't welcome. She replied that ghosts are alright it is the poltergeists that you need to worry about. To this day I don't understand that. It's okay though because as of right now that's not happening to me and I am glad.

Oh well! I'm heading off, night you crazy kids.