Over the last couple of days I've been feeling really strange. I think it has to do with how much soda I've been drinking. Cutting back on that starting tomarrow. Its just that I ran out of viteman water and I hate going to the store. Speaking of which I need to start buying that shit at Walmart cause Publix seems to think we are all made of money or something. I hate Publix so much, seriously from the bottom of my soul.
Oh well lets move on.
It is 2am! And I had many plans for how to spend this last little bit of wakefullness before heading to sleep and for some reason I am here writing. Strange no? You know from poking around other people's blogs I've come to realize that it is customary to put pictures up that are either pretty or somehow relate to your post. What is up with that? Where did it come from? And where the hell does everyone get their pictures from? I don't like looking at pictures on the internet it infects my brain and I can't stop doing it easily. It feels a bit like crack. I dunno it is just not very enjoyable to me. So my blog will go pictureless.
Though if I were to do it I would prolly just go to google and type in a random word and use the 42nd image. ACTUALLY that does sound like a neat thing to do. Maybe 42 days before Douglas Adam's birthday I could type a random word, use the 42nd image and write a blog about whatever the hell is up there. Though this project seems more suited to Burroughs we'll put those trivial sorts of facts aside. I know Burroughs would of, he's a junkie he does things like that. I'm really not a fan of the beats. Its strange because I really do love arbitrary ramblings. I really really do. Yet, at its core, there seems to be something very toxic about the beats. It isn't anything I could put my finger on, but it is something I always kind of felt long before I understood what exactly the beat movement was or who is a part of it. I came across Howl, Naked Lunch, and some other things at very diffrent times in my life and I always tied them together as similar but never as the same movement. I also was impressed with the way they all seem to have this dark undercurrent of destruction.
Undercurrents of destruction are commonplace in surrealism. It is no accident that Jan Svankmajer adapted Faust and Alice in Wonderland. Faust especially is a highly destructive story, and Alice is filmed with an eye on ruin and despair. But their dispair and the one suffered by the beats always seemed very diffrent to me. For the beats it seemed almost unconsious. Like they didn't realize that they were on a path to utter destruction and no one was really doing anything to stop it. Or something. I don't know. I actually haven't read/studied much of the beats. Their kink is not my own. A lot of people seem to get excited about them for the plain and simple reason that drugs were involved.
Drugs do have that really interesting mystique around them I'm not going to deny it. I mean it is coincidence that I own Spun, Trainspotting, Requiuem for a Dream, Naked Lunch, and Fear and Loathing. I love these movies. I also love mafia movies that show how the inclusion of drugs ruins mafia life. Goodfellas is the perfect example of this though there are others. Still it seems to me that to be fascinated by Naked Lunch because a whole lot of drugs were taken while it was being written is a little sad/odd to me. There is much more to the book than drugs, much like there is much more to each of the movies I mentioned other than drugs. Spun in particular. I love that movie because it really shows this sort of sad, terrible, crumpled group of people who wouldn't actually be that bad if they weren't so fried on meth.
Drugs work in the opposite of sex in a way. Add drugs to something and there will be a subsection of people who are immediately drawn to and fascinated by it. Add a lot of sex to something and people freak out and run. Try bringing up Lost Girls to people who know what it is. I can't tell you the number to times I've gotten immediately dismissive viewpoints solely based on the amount of sex the characters of the book have. They pay no attention to the historical detail, story telling, or the fascinating way he turns three victorian books upside down. Nor does anyone pay atension to the time period the books take place in, or anything else. Their immediate response is RAWR SEX R BAD. Woo my spelling is extra bad tonight! I wonder why?
It occurs to me that there are people who are immediately turned off by drug usage. evan for example. Man I hate starting sentences with his name. But I find him to be more the exception than the rule. It is also founded on something where I find that most people's obsession with drugs is just silly.
Then again I have a complete disinterest in doing them. That is one of those strange things. What is the difference between the people who can do them and walk away, do them and get addicted, and people who don't care about them at all. The people who can do them and just get addicted are the least interesting to me. Its a story we've all heard a thousand times before. However, what about the person who can just start and stop at will. Who will one night do a line of coke, and another night decline because it simply doesn't interest them. See that's interesting. Of course I am of the mind that nothing is so great that I would want to become a slave to it. Nor would I ever take some random drugs offered to me by strangers. Man you don't know what people do with that shit.
Oh well it is one of those fundamentally alien viewpoints. Like the time time I was talking to this swinger dude. I was saying how, "I don't understand what is with your compulsion for extra marital sex". He got offended that I called it a compulsion. Fortunatly, I was on my toes that day and I told him, "See what I mean about an alien mindset, I can't imagine wanting to have sex with most people I meet without it being a compulsion". We didn't get much further because he had to go and I never saw him again. Still it was interesting though. Truth be told I think I hit a little close to home with the compulsion thing.
No matter. I think part of a relationship is finding someone who will enable your desires while accepting your flaws, and vice versa of course. Yes of course there is more to relationships than that. That just happens to be a nice part of them. Its why I decided that I wasn't dating any non geek girls anymore. They just don't get it, and I mean after fighting all those years with my parents and then with other various girlfriends I had enough. They got do so something be it read comics, play video/bord games, roleplay, just something. Something where they have a hobby, a thing that they do and enjoy so that they understand that yes I want to spend this much money on little plastic figures rather than something practical. Or something like that. Man I don't even know what some of those fights were about. WHATEVER. No wannabie geeks either. There is nothing I hate more than when people will take a superficial interest in what I am doing just so that they can get closer to me. That is a quick way to piss me off. I once chewed out a cell phone salesman for that. That and he was being a dick to one of his employees. On the one hand I feel bad for cell phone sales people, on the other hand when I say no thankyou, then I hear a manager start badgering the poor girl because she didn't chase after me like an asshole, that's when the self rightous dickhead in me rears forth.
I hate shitty managers.
Moving on again. As expected this has been a rough week. Apparently my body is dealing with depression by shutting the fuck down. Though I seriously ate a dumptruck full of food today so I guess I am good to go again which is nice. I really want to get back to work on the post modern porn thing. I am having a little trouble focusing my attacks. So I figgure I will just start writting then I will take out the good parts and rebuild around those while discarding the bad. I've just been really loopy and out of it these past couple of days. I've also temporarly gone back to working 40hours a week. I am mildly annoyed.
I also need to shave. This is because one of my sub bosses is starting a shit storm with another sub boss about appearence. I don't fucking know why. What I do know is that I don't want or need to be anywhere near it. I also just realized via twitter how absolutly absurd and petty the whole situation is. These people need to get lives. Everything is more important than Judy's lip ring I promise you.
Bah these are people you can't reason with. I'd get a new job but I realize that they are everywhere, unavoidable, and usually in charge. This is something I will never understand but holy crap when you stand up to them they just don't know what to do. It occurs to me that there is a severe lack of leadership in our society. I am not talking politics but in everyday normal life. Not a whole lot that can be done about that though. It does remind me I need headphones, if for no other reason than the porno jazz that they play at books a million is slightly annoying.
Well okay then its three and I am out of superficial things I want to talk about. Next month a new akira book comes out, a new vtes expansion, and all sorts of other stuff. What the fuck febuary.
Peaches
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